It really is like each person close in your life has this special place in your heart or like footprints they leave in your soul. When they are gone you get these panicky feelings once in awhile thinking about how things are going to be different without them. Like there are these holes left in your heart and soul....
Like a part of you, is also going to change without them. Each person that I love so dearly in my life makes up who I am as a person. Without these people, I would be a completely different person.
Although my heart has more of a hole than it did before, I know that because of this amazing man, our family has been blessed with the lessons he taught us. He was a man who even when he made it big and had a successful business that was making a large amount of money, never let it go to his head. He became well known in the racing industry, but remained humble and generous. He never forgot about the people that weren't as fortunate as him. He would donate money, buy gift cards for food to those who were in need. He would tip big, smile big and talk to strangers. He genuinely cared about people and was such a likeable man because of his warmth. He was always thankful for the blessings in his life and so many times would talk about what a great family he had and how proud he was.
Death can be a wake up call to remind you that life is a constantly changing thing and that you never know what will happen next. That it is out of our hands and that we need to let God guide us, so that we can make the best choices in life to stay a good person and do things according to his will. I am so proud and thankful that I was able to have such big footprints in my heart that helped mold me into the person I am today. Thank you so much Grandpa. You will be missed, but never forgotten.
5 comments:
I hear ya. It's a wake up call isn't it?? Like you said... your head is swirling with anxiety. You know what's hard for me right now? Answering Jaedon's questions. Mat seems to be sailing through it, knowing exactly what to say and what not to say. I have a lot of anxiety about saying the wrong things for his age. I don't want to scare him or confuse him. I was trying to explain that our souls go to Heaven not our bodies, and he said "I don't know what you are talking about, Mom. I don't understand that." Maybe I should've kept it tangable for now? WE go to Heaven. I'm just filled with anxiety that I'm saying the wrong things and scarring him for life. He seems to be really comfortable discussing it with Mat. Maybe I should let him answer the questions. We are planning on getting a children's Bible. That will be nice to have.
I also know exactly what you mean about the hole in your heart. It feels like the family dynamic has shifted. Someone is missing. ;(
...It's very difficult all around. And it seems that having kids intensifies the feelings.
I am however, looking forward to some closure at the funeral and I really love the way they are going to honor him with the flag on the casket and taps. That will be neat.
Anyway... love you sis. We'll get through it. <3
♥ Love you too sister. ♥
You aren't saying any of the wrong things either. That's why he keeps asking the questions. I think your answers are comforting to him, even if he doesn't understand them. Just being able to come to you and Mat and know that you both there for him and trying to explain it as best you can is a comfort for him.
Oh girls... i love you both so much. I am here for you... You know I lost my Grandma just a few months ago and they did not have a service for her so I feel like I am mourning with you guys. It is so hard when you lose someone that you cared so much for who played such a huge part in your life. I still hear my grandmothers words or her way of talking in people and then I really miss her. Just remember to BREATHE...it helps. When you feel out of control just BREATHE...breathe in the feeling that there soul is with you at that moment...that when you feel that ache in your heart it is because they have come to check on you and your soul knows they are there... at least that is what I believe...right now it is hard because the wound of them being gone is so fresh and new, but it will become a breath of fresh air in the future. Wendy as for saying the wrong things....dont ever feel like that, it is probably easier for Mat because he doesnt have the same connection to Gpa as you do..the way I see it is even tho we are moms and "grownups" we still want someone to explain it to us, why they have to go when we so desperately wanted them to stay with us forever. Just know that you are doing the best that you can through your grief and your own questions about what is happening. Have faith that the love your grandpa gave all of you will carry you thru this confusion and pain. I love you both and know you can survive. All my love, Sara K
♥ Love you too Sara. You have a big place in my heart also.
Thanks Sara!! <3
It's just when Mat talks to Jaedon... he smiles. He's comforted. He seems to have all the answers! I feel like I have my own questions too so it's hard to answer his!! When I do try to answer them, I feel like I'm confusing him more. :(
Mat actually became very close with Grandpa in the short time he knew him. He said he never got to know his own Grandparents and felt Grandpa was like his Grandfather too. They really connected. Understood each other. Mat always said that he felt like he should've been born in his generation. I remember when we visited him in a temporary nursing home a while back... it was like they were finishing each others sentences. Mat said he'd never forget that conversation... it left a lasting impression on him and filled him with inspiration. He was lucky enough to get a chance to tell him how much he appreciated it when we visited him in the hospital. :)
...Anyway, I'm looking forward to seeing everyone tomorrow, despite the circumstances.
I'm so sorry about your loss too Sara. Are you able to visit her grave? Maybe that would bring more closure for you? We are here for you "sister friend"!!
Lots of hugs!!!
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